Wed. Feb 19th, 2020


theVoice of Reason

Getting married, know his or her parents

3 min read

When we are born we are raised by our parents. They are in charge of our well-being until we can take care of ourselves. They teach us what they believe in, their fears and shows us how to live in this world.

Unconsciously you learn some of their behaviours and discard what does not agree with your uniqueness.

The behaviours we don’t learn are the ones that we lived through the consequences. For example, being raised by a father who is a molester and a drunkard.

But there are subtle attributes that we usually pick up from our parents without realising it. For instance, supporting a political party your parents belong to.

We unconsciously stick with our parents choice. Unless your personal experiences push you in another direction, you will probably stick to it and pass it on to your children.

So when you want to get married, you just don’t have to study the partner. You have to also study the parents of your partner.  They usually wouldn’t have anything to hide or act in any way to fit your fantasy. Those behaviours you notice will most likely be part of your spouse’s way of life.

The way someone from a broken family will behave in marriage will be different from someone who is not from a broken family. Adults who are not from a broken home will better understand the functions of all the parties in a marriage. In contrast, those who are constantly witnessing backbiting and bitterness and anger and despair and fights carry some of these emotions. And they may not surface until they get married. Or they get to a point where they free like where their parents were when everything started.

You could also examine all the people who married into that family’s wellbeing and if you notice any trend, you are most likely experience it. For instance, if you want to be married to a person from a family that is poor. Then you have to realise that it may happen to you. There’s a possibility that the women are unconsciously behaving in a way that does make their husbands grow richer. And vice versa it could mean that the men from that family are lazy.

So in a nutshell, we continually live in the shadow of our parents. They influence us in many ways we may give credit to. Take an introspective look at your behaviours and attitudes and I bet you that you can identify some with either one of your parents or both of them.

I guess I would like to end by saying that the smell of our parents lingers. And people who want to get married must look out for the subtle behaviours and attributes from their partner’s parents. Such as how they treat and speak to each other. Aside from everything else if you are comfortable with everything you see, then and only then should you commit to being married.

Life is a long journey, you want to be comfortable with the person coming along with you in marriage

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